OP (29M) recounts how his girlfriend Andrea (29F) staged a fake medical emergency in order to apparently measure OP’s level of commitment to their relationship. She called him in the middle of the night, freaking out, saying that she was having pain, chest pain, very general distress, and she had already called 911. OP freaked out and drove over to her place to find Andrea completely fine and the whole thing was made up by Andrea to “test” if OP would swoop down and save her in an emergency.
OP felt manipulated and ended up calling her a “f—ing bitch” then leaving her house right afterward. Andrea, choked with tears, said she was trying to test how he would be in a relationship. Although she later apologized and regretted it, OP did and still does feel hurt and angry, wondering if he overreacted.
A man called his GF a mean name after she tested his commitment in an unusual way
The woman faked a medical emergency just to see how he would react, and the guy wasn’t happy
Imposing a test on a partner is a sure sign that the relationship is off to a rocky start; it smacks of insecurity or is a distrustful act. Healthy relationships, built on open lines of communication, mutual respect and a gradual progression of trust. Pretending to be in a life-threatening emergency to “test” commitment crosses lines and can be emotionally damaging.
Andrea’s ”test” could not be more serious. Faking a medical emergency is a manipulative thing to do, and it actually might have the opposite effect of desensitizing OP to the idea of an emergency later in life. Tests on our emotional manipulation (Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2013) show that these tests undermine the trust they are meant to reinforce, leaving the recipient feeling put down and offended. Additionally, her stunt probably set off a fight-or-flight reaction in OP that made it worse.
It still remains progress in the realm of accountability that Andrea regrets and apologizes for, but the incident begs larger questions about her expectations in her relationships. The act of deception to test a partner can also point to unresolved insecurities or a disbelief in their partner’s authenticity. Those underlying issues need to be watched out, to be able to ignore your emotions about relationship doubts to build up pair trust, may be need a therapist for improving the bond and trust.
Which is a harsh reaction but one based on actual frustration and betrayal. Not a great choice of words but the intensity of the moment and the pain of being willfully manipulated shine through. He could of course choose to appeal to his language However, his anger and walking away was just as appropriate a reaction to having his trust abused?
Many people sided with the boyfriend: “Save yourself from any more antics and leave”
OP is Not the A-hole for losing it when his girlfriend told him, “just DO it already!” Not only was Andrea’s “test” unnecessary, but it was also hurtful, because it destroyed any trust and respect that is vital in any relationship. Though her apology expresses regret, it will take more than that clear communication, and an assurance that Grace will not pull any similarly damaging stunts during her next round of media appearances — to start winning back our trust. OP taking space is warranted, and whether or not to stay together after that is up to him and his ability to enforce boundaries and Andrea’s ability to not make this error again.
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